If you’re one of the many women who seem to get everything right in their life except relationships, then I’m sure lots of people are telling you that you need to get yourself out there more, or work on yourself, or even just focus on something other than dating.
I know – all of these pieces of advice can be really frustrating when you think you are doing everything you can to find the right guy and have a great relationship with him. After all, you’re on eHarmony and making a concerted effort to meet quality people, right?
But if your relationships keep failing and you keep going for the wrong guys, then it’s time to take a closer look and see if you’re falling prey to any of these not-so-obvious ways you might be getting in the way of your own love life…
LOVE-LIFE SABOTAGER 1: DATING UNAVAILABLE MEN
Are you picking the same kind of men over and over who just don’t “get it” when it comes to being in relationships?
I’m not just talking about men who are unavailable in the sense that they’re already involved with someone else – it goes without saying that you should not get yourself into this situation. I mean men who simply can’t deliver the goods on an emotional level. You can gauge a man’s emotional maturity by paying attention to the care he gives to other relationships in his life: his family, friends, and people at work. If he doesn’t take the trouble to nurture these relationships, then you’re probably squandering your energy on someone who can’t be sensitive to your needs.
LOVE-LIFE SABOTAGER 2: ACCEPTING UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR
Do you put up with behavior you aren’t comfortable with just for the sake of being in a relationship? Do you find yourself justifying the actions of the guy you’re with – whether to yourself or others – and coming up with reasons why they’re okay?
Saying things like “Well, nobody’s perfect,” or telling yourself you need to chill out and be more flexible is a sure sign that you’re probably putting up with stuff from a man that isn’t acceptable. If this one makes you cringe, then you know it rings true for you…and you’re keeping yourself from the kind of love you deserve.
LOVE-LIFE SABOTAGER 3: HOLDING ONTO EXES
I meet a lot of women who are still pining over an old love, even when they readily admit that the relationship wasn’t a good fit. This keeps them stuck in the past so that they don’t have to face what’s happening right now.
What about staying friends with the ex? Unless you both fully believe that there’s no possibility of rekindling the romance, it’s wise to go separate ways. Keeping an ex in your life holds a piece of you back and prevents a new love from filling that space. The most loving thing you can do for yourself and for your ex is to let go completely.
THE FEAR THAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF SELF-SABOTAGE
At the root of all these behaviors lies one thing: fear of being single or alone. And the ironic thing is that this very fear pushes love away. It’s the biggest reason why you’re not connecting with a man who is just as amazing as you.
The truth is that a great guy who’s single, conscious and mature also wants a woman who is open, evolved, and truly ready to give and receive love. So if a man senses that a woman has walls or patterns that keep her in fear and cause HER to disconnect, odds are he’s not going to end up falling in love and becoming emotionally connected and committed.
The great news is that the only thing standing in the way of the love you want is you. The first step is recognizing it and accepting that this is true for you. Then it’s time to change it. And you have complete power to do that.
The best time to figure out how to be in the right place and become the great partner you know you can be is NOT when you’re in a relationship and presented with all the issues and fears form your past. The time to do that for yourself is now, so that when you’re in front of the right man you are able to allow love to flow between you both. This kind of free-flowing love is intensely attractive to a man. Actually, it’s irresistible.