If you think that simply having posted an online dating profile means that someone is ready for a relationship, you’re wrong. When you begin your search for love online, your biggest challenge is to read between the lines to tell who’s really ready for a long-term relationship.
Dating with Dignity has compiled a list of what to look for in an online dating profile so you can tell who’s relationship-ready.
- What are they looking for? Fortunately for us, there’s a handy section of an online dating profile that usually says something along the lines of “What I’m looking for.” In general, many online daters are clear (and honest) about what type of relationship (or non-relationship) they’re truly seeking.
That said, if someone has listed what they’re looking for as “new friends” or “activity partners,” chances are they’re not looking for a serious relationship. However, it’s important to look closely for other clues as some members may put “looking for relationship” because he/she thinks that will render better results.
I remember a client who was so surprised that the guy she was dating told her he wasn’t looking for a relationship and just wanted to have “fun.” When she looked back at his profile after they’d stopped dating, she checked the “looking for” section and it actually said he was looking for a long-term “relationship.” So, where did she go wrong? Unfortunately, she ignored some of the language within his “about me” section that talked about looking for someone to explore the city with, noting that he was “fine” if it leads to something more!
Typically (and this is especially true of those who are dating online) men will say what they mean and mean what they say. When it comes to online dating, there’s always a chance that someone who put that they’re looking for someone to spend forever with doesn’t always mean it; but it can be a better choice than someone who says they’re looking for “fun late nights” or “short-term/casual dating.”
In short, read carefully and be realistic. No matter how attractive he or she is, explore getting to know who she/he really is rather than making decisions based on his/her potential!
- How do they describe past relationships? Often members of online dating sites will give a little glimpse of their relationship history to people who stop by their profiles, offering hints about their past. If someone has written that they just got out of a “painful five-year on-and-off relationship” that they’re still getting over, they MAY not be in the right state to begin a new relationship anytime soon. While we applaud them for getting themselves out there, a person who describes their status as “newly single” or “ready for a new relationship after an amicable divorce” is going to be a better choice.
In addition, profiles that talk about what a member doesn’t want indicates that he/she may be choosing the next partner based on what went wrong. For example, “no picky women need respond” may indicate he viewed his ex as high maintenance. What’s most important, though, is not so much what he wants but that it seems he may not be truly “over it.”
- Extensive use of specific words. When you see someone who throws around terms like “partying hard” or phrases like “always open for good times” or “weekends were made to unwind with a few cocktails and friends,” plus you notice lots of photos that appear to be at parties, bars or clubs…well, chances are a serious relationship isn’t in their future. If you’re looking for a casual relationship, that’s a person you’ll probably want to connect with. But if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you’ll want to steer clear.
It’s easy to tell when someone IS relationship-ready if you see things like “looking for something meaningful” or even things as direct as “I’m looking for a serious relationship.” Then you’re on the right track in your search.
Remember to pay attention to what people say online, but do get to know them before passing any concrete judgments. You really never know who’s out there waiting to meet you.